So the relationship didn’t work out as you planned. Your partner failed your love x-ray woefully. By every intelligent standard this person fell short of your expectations and disappointed you. All the vital signs of dying love were present in your relationship. How you choose to end it will be the greatest test of your character, integrity and honor.Whenever a prospective partner is full of stories of how bad their ex-partner was to them, a red flag immediately goes up in my mind, that this is not a honorable lover. There is the husband who convinces the young lady he is desiring an affair, how worthless and useless the wife and mother of his children is. There is the lady who is full of tales of the inadequacies of her ex, while desiring the loyalty of her next and the story goes on.
One reason why I don’t trust anyone who maligns their ex in the presence of their next is because it reveals a lack of objectivity. One medieval writer boldly states “And that he would shew thee the secrets of wisdom, that they are double to that which is”. In other words, just as there are two sides to a coin, there are always two sides to every story and it is wisdom to accept this. There is the part your prospective partner is telling and the part their ex hasn’t told.
This means that whoever is presenting a single side to you in the name of being hurt is not being objective and honorable. In fact beware of a person who blames their ex entirely for their conditions. Such a person is blinded by their pain and is likely to repeat the same love mistakes in future.
On the other hand the honorable five star lover sees clearly what the ex did wrong as well as how they also personally contributed to the demise of the relationship. Until a person sees clearly how they personally contributed to the failure of their past love enterprise, they are not in the position to start a new love enterprise. The future success of your relationship is based upon the gains of your past not necessarily the pains of your past. This is why if all that a prospective partner brings to a relationship are the pains of the past it will end up being a painful relationship.
Your relationship today will only work if you have taken time to turn the pains of your past into present gains. The way you do that is by taking time off to heal and extracting the lessons from those painful experiences. This is why I insist that when love fails,the persons are not as important as the lessons. The honorable and objective lover’s conversation focuses on the lessons not on the persons.
When a five star lover comments about their past disappointments, they always tell the two sides of the story. Such lovers will share what was done to them as well as how they personally contributed to it. Our past afflictions in love, which was for a moment can work for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of eternal glory, if we are objective.
On a personal level as a young man, I lost quite a number of relationships with some remarkable people principally because I lacked the discipline of communication. The truth is that most of them had their own faults, but you can’t build your future relationship on the faults of your past partners. You have to see your personal faults and be determined to correct it in your future relationship. That is exactly what I did. I determined to make communication a strength in my future relationship and marriage and it is working.
The other thing a five star lover does is that they believe in the dignity of their ex as a human being. As such they protect their privacy and dignity in talking about them while not indulging them. A classical example of this was God‘s benevolence in replacing Adam and Eve’s fig leaves with coats of skin. He was saying in essence, that the fact that you are leaving me doesn’t mean I should disgrace and dishonor you. He was saying, while our relationship might not have worked,I still believe in your dignity as a human being. He was saying though you hurt me really bad,I will still cover up for you as much as I can,as you leave. Wow.
The adherence to objectivity in evaluating past relationships, the protection of the privacy of past lovers and the belief in the fundamental dignity of the individual in spite of how the love played out are the undeniable marks of a FIVE STAR LOVER. They represent the zenith of honor and maturity in love. Will you take your place among us today?
THE GREATEST IS LOVE
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly, Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter.