Firing a lover is one of the hardest things to do in this life. Hard as this may be, some relationships deserve to be brought to an end when you consider the negative impact they have on us. Boys2Men, the contemporary R&B sensations of the 90’s got it right when they sang “its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday”. The fact however is that the price to pay for a happy tomorrow might be to say goodbye to yesterday.I have learnt over the years to be more loyal to my tomorrow than to my yesterday. Kinetic relationships are based upon a common future rather than a common past. I want to share a few guidelines for saying goodbye to love successfully should you ever have to do so.
Never try to preserve the friendship initially after breaking the relationship. This is common among many people, who erroneously believe that since friendship is the antecedent of love, then friendship should be love’s successor. Nothing can be further from the truth. In reality, what do you call ex lovers who maintain intimate friendship? I call them lovers in disguise. What happens if lovers attempt to maintain intimacy of friendship after breaking up is that they will end up being lovers again. One author rightly said that “For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease. Though the root thereof wax old in the earth,and the stock thereof die in the ground;Yet through the scent of water it will bud, and bring forth boughs like a plant”. What this means is that maintaining friendship with your ex encourages the hope of reconciliation in the heart of the one who is more in love with the other. Are we then encouraging enmity? No! We are however insisting that the friendship be deferred until each partner is healed of their susceptibility to one another. If this is not done, the couple might find themselves in the dilemma of claiming to have broken up, while practically, they are still involved.
- Change in your love status might require a change in ENVIRONMENT. Just like Adam and Eve had to leave Eden after their break up. You or your partner might have to change your environment to really recover. Nothing takes the toll on the heart like seeing someone you were intimate with in the same environment of intimacy. Every time we see them it becomes a painful reminder of our loss. Such remembrances do not aid the speedy healing of the heart.
Saying goodbye to love is restricted access and maintained distance. In the Eden dilemma we saw the custodian of the garden, putting a security agent in place to prevent access back into the garden. How valuable that is to us today. On one hand we can employ the services of a trusted friend and accountability partner whose job is to prevent access to each other, especially when our sentiments want to rule us. On the other hand, it is also important to resist the access of tale bearers and gossips to us all through the recovery process, because all the news they tend to bring to us about our ex has a way of reopening the closed wounds. Any one who wants to heal fast from a failed relationship must shut out the tale bearers and gossips from their environment.
Understudy the failed relationship and isolate the factors that made it fail, particularly our personal liabilities. We must then feed what we have learned into our future relationship with greater love and determination. Oh yes, you heard me right. Decide to love again, though this time with greater wisdom.
The best way to get back at your ex is not to shut down emotionally and give up on love. The best revenge is to make sure you find a better person than your ex and to decide to deliberately love them better than you loved your ex, thereby making a success of out it. Success is the sweetest revenge. Good day.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter.