If love is to work, timing is everything. One ancient leader postulated that there is a time to everything including, a time to love. If there is therefore such a thing as the right time to love, there must be a wrong time to do so. Being an analyst of failed and successful relationships over the years, I must confess that many failed relationships were simply a product of wrong timing. Doing the right thing,at the wrong time, still makes it the wrong thing. And doing the wrong thing at the right time also makes it wrong. For us to yield productive results, the right things must be done at the right time.Am I trying to legislate the right age at which one is free to love? Of course not. All will agree with me that they have met young ones with the maturity of adults,and adults with the tantrums of a child. Though maturity is a critical success factor of love, real maturity is not a function of your chronological position, rather it is a function of your sociological disposition. It is this disposition, that reveals when a person is ripe for love. I will run through a few of them today.
WHEN YOU HAVE REALIZED THAT LOVE IS MORE THAN A FEELING: Too many today subscribe to a feelings oriented definition of love. The danger of this is that once their feeling changes,they must of a necessity change their lover also. This feelings orientation is the number one reason for the emotional instability of our day. This is not to say that the feelings aren’t important in love,they are. But they are meant to be secondary not primary in consideration. Love is more than a feeling,love is a responsibility,love is a duty,and love is a commitment. The closer a person is to this orientation the more ready they are for love.
- WHEN YOU ARE CERTAIN OF WHERE YOU ARE GOING IN LIFE: In my country and continent, most political office holders are in the habit of re-marrying to fit their newly found status. This is done principally because most of their earlier wives seem to lack the capacity intellectually or socially,to accurately fit into their newly found positions. Their error is that most of them married for where they were, not for where they were going. If you make this mistake, the choice of love in your past,isn’t likely to fit well into your role in future. This is why the clarification of your vision and direction in life must precede your choice of a life companion. You must first of all determine where you are going in life, before you determine who can go there with you. For instance, a pathologically jealous and insecure partner is not likely to fit well with someone who has a global and pubic assignment.
- WHEN YOU HAVE OVERCOME THE PAIN AND BITTERNESS OF PAST DISAPPOINTMENTS: It is interesting to note that many relationships today are simply lived out in reaction against their past negative relationships. Many use their present and future relationships to get back at their past ones. The irony of life is that you can’t get back at someone without going back yourself. Until we are free from the pains of yesterday we are not ready for the joys of tomorrow. Another manifestation of this condition is what I call “first aid relationships”. These are relationships that hurting lovers urgently go into, so as to numb and heal the pains of past disappointments. Those who allow themselves to be used as bandages,must be aware that no one uses bandages and first aid forever. Once the victim is healed and whole they will have no use for you,and you will be on your way out of their life. Beware.
- WHEN YOU ARE MATURED ENOUGH TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN YOUR WANTS AND YOUR NEEDS: Fortunate is the lover who finds both their wants and needs met in a single person. Not every lover is that fortunate. What is more common is that many lovers have to choose between their wants and their needs getting met in their relationship. If you ever have to make such a choice,please prioritize your needs. The meeting of our wants make us full, the meeting of our needs make us fulfilled. The meeting of our wants make us happy, the meeting of our needs make us joyful. The meeting of our wants pacify but the meeting our needs satisfy. Not confusing one with another is a vital, if love will last.
WHEN YOUR DESIRE TO SERVE AND GIVE TO ANOTHER, OVERWHELMS YOUR DESIRE TO RECEIVE: Lust is a taking force,while love is a giving force. Lust is a using force,while love is a serving force. Lust is an exploiting force,while love is an actualizing force. The moment at which your love for a person outstrips your lust for them you are ready for love. This is evidenced by an awesome,overwhelming desire to serve,give, and build the object of your love. The exact point of love ,is the point at which selfishness dies and selflessness comes alive. At that point you are ready for love. Watch out for it
All of these are not exhaustive but they provide a guideline for anyone who either wants to love for the first time, as well as the one who wants to take a shot at love again. We will do well to heed them.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE!!!
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