Life is a test and love is a test as well. How well you perform in the tests that life gives you, will determine the quality of success you command. One of the biggest love tests you will have to pass to succeed in love is called the ABSTINENCE TEST. Abstinence isn’t a popular word in our sexually permissive society, but hopefully after reading this article you will realize that without a foundation of abstinence, our love lives will fail to fulfill its potential. Our culture considers it cool for people who aren’t maritally committed to be sexually committed. What they fail to realize is that this lack of sexual discipline and abstinence is costing us qualitative love. The problem with giving in to your unmarried lover’s several sexual demands is that it destroys their capacity for delayed sexual gratification. Without abstinence, our partners are susceptible to the many sexual temptations that are undermining both marriages and courtships alike. If you erroneously train your partner to always have their way with you sexually, in spite of your lack of marriage, don’t be surprised when they can’t deny themselves for you when abstinence is needed the most.
No matter how much you love your partner,there are bound to be mandatory seasons of abstinence in your future. The greatest preparation for such seasons is to have already developed a mutual competence in abstinence,by refusing to yield to your basest sexual urges, while you were courting. If you fail to succeed in exercising those restraints during courtship,you are most likely to yield to sexual temptations in future, that will truncate your love life. Let’s highlight some seasons of abstinence you are bound to deal with, if your relationship lasts long enough.
ABSTINENCE MANDATED BY LONG DISTANCE ENGAGEMENTS. I am averse to long distance marriages,but there are extreme cases where a long distance love scenario can not be avoided. If you and your partner did not pass the abstinence test while courting,one or both of you are likely to fail the test in future by developing alternative sexual partners, while you are away from each other to the detriment of your love life.
- ABSTINENCE MANDATED BY CHILDBEARING RESPONSIBILITIES OR COMPLICATIONS. Most men in particular usually begin to cheat on their spouses during and after pregnancy,owing to the unavoidable sexual unavailability of their wives during that period. This happens because many of them never abstained from sex from each other while in courtship. Unfortunately now the woman needs him to be faithful to her,but the root of such a faithfulness lies in an established infrastructure of abstinence. Abstinence cannot be learned in marriage,it must have been perfected during courtship,and then brought into marriage.
- ABSTINENCE MANDATED BY FATAL ATTRACTIONS. There are times when one could find themselves attracted to someone they don’t have the legitimacy to be attracted to. There are other times when someone has an extreme crush on you and wants to have you at all cost. If you lack the ability to say a firm no,you might find your self trapped in a maze of complex emotional transactions, that can ruin your love life altogether. If as a single, by virtue of abstinence you had learned to say no sexually to your self and your partner,it won’t be difficult to say no to the present sexual temptations.
- ABSTINENCE MANDATED BY HEALTH COMPLICATIONS. We all believe for the best in our health,but there are cases in which medical challenges could rid a couple of the ability to function mutually in their sexual roles. Without a foundation of abstinence in place,the healthier partner might be forced to cheat on their spouse to get their sexual needs met. Such acts of betrayal could further compound the pain for the unhealthy partner.
ABSTINENCE MANDATED BY EITHER BEREAVEMENT OR LACK OF A SPOUSE. We all hope to either find our better half, or live happily ever after with the spouse we have found. This unfortunately isn’t going to be everyone’s experience. Some might be called to a life of singleness for the rest of their lives, in spite of the sexual yearnings of their flesh. Without a foundation of abstinence, some might yield to irresponsible avenues of sexual satisfaction, that can cost them their success.
Notice that we aren’t advocating that you teach abstinence to your marriage partner. It is too late. Abstinence is better brought into marriage, than developed in marriage. The truth is that in the course of our love lives, we will be confronted with one or more of the seasons of abstinence above. To be a success in love,you must have made abstinence a competence. Those who fail the abstinence test are bound to be failures in love. May that not be you.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE.
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Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
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