21-marriedmenWe all subconsciously long for exclusivity in love,but realistically not everyone of us will enjoy that privilege. This isn’t a curse but a fact based upon fallen human nature. It is true that we can minimize the chances of being cheated upon by choosing lovers who are of stellar integrity, but what happens to those who find out that someone they genuinely love has betrayed them? This is the essence of today’s article. There are five distinct phases everyone who is being cheated upon will go through. Let’s deal with them.

  • THE PHASE OF SUSPICION. One automatically steps into this phase when all the warning signs we spoke about yesterday are observable in the relationship. Please realize that our suspicions should not be based upon assumptions. Many hyper jealous couples are usually guilty of assumptions. Assumptions are baseless but genuine suspicions are meant to be based upon facts. Your suspicions should be based upon extreme insistence on privacy,glaring inconsistencies, diminishing commitments and pathological excuses. If one or more of these factors are present in your relationship, you have every right to be suspicious. In fact, it would be stupid for you not to be.
  • THE PHASE OF INVESTIGATIONS. On the basis of your suspicions, you must then begin to get the facts right about your suspicions. In this phase you also begin to distinguish between the facts and the fictions of your suspicion. It is important not to skip this process and head for confrontations. The reason is because a smart cheater will simply deny all your allegations because you lack the concrete facts to substantiate them. This is why overreaction in this phase can be counterproductive. It is also important to carry out your investigations secretly,so that the cheating partner won’t be able to cover their tracks. If the fact of your investigations are leaked prematurely,the cheater will simply cover up and will have a strong basis for denial and distortion of the facts.
  • THE PHASE OF CONFRONTATION. Armed with undeniable facts and proofs, you then progress to the confrontation stage. The task here isn’t about accusations or emotional reaction. Rather what you do is to patiently,confidently and deliberately present the facts to the cheating partner,in such a way that even they can not deny it. It isn’t a quarrel,you simply present the overwhelming outcomes of your investigation and wait for their reasons or explanations. Our confrontation doesn’t have to be dramatic or emotional rather,it should be well researched,well reasoned and hopefully it must be well responded to.
  • THE PHASE OF RECONCILIATION. In this phase you patiently hear out the cheating partner’s rationale for their misbehaviour. You must be objective enough to discover how you may have contributed to this challenge personally. So that if you have personal changes to make,you must determine to make them. An example would be a wife or husband who is guilty of starving their partner sexually,who now finds out they were cheating. So in this phase you want to ascertain, what you did wrong,why they did wrong and what the future holds for your union. Some negative signs you need to watch out for in the cheat are denial,defensiveness,self justification,indifference and counter accusations. If you notice these things, your future together is questionable. However if you notice genuine remorse,repentance, confession and humility,there might be a future for you two.
  • THE PHASE OF TERMINATION. Firstly the only condition for the continuity of such a relationship is that the cheating partner must have to terminate their relationship with the one they are cheating with. On the contrary, if the cheater fails to break up with the intruder,it becomes your responsibility to terminate your relationship with the cheat completely and absolutely without looking back. If on scriptural grounds marriages can be legitimately annulled on grounds of adultery,more so common relationships should be ruthlessly terminated once a partner’s loyalty to you is in question.

If we fail to follow these process to the letter,we stand the risk of being hurt in a bigger way in future. We must be decisive, deliberate, and determined. Above all we must refuse to let sentiments rule our decisions.

Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter.
BBpin; 33023120

* Please note that all enquiries about speaking engagements and professional counseling should be sent by email to the above email address. Thanks.

* Also feel free to download our newly launched Love Dynamics app on blackberry app world. Simply click on the following link and download for free.

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