no loveI have uncovered a fundamental flaw in the way many pursue love and it is that they pursue it through the avenue of pleasure. In fact in many minds love is synonymous to pleasure. It is true that one of the job descriptions of your lover is to please you ethically and responsibly, but those who take the idea too far usually end up in the alley and valley of pain and sorrow. There are five ways that people do this and let’s quickly address them today.

  1. PURSUING LOVE BY PROMISING PLEASURE. It doesn’t take a keen observer to note that our generation’s dominant approach to love is enticing their love prospects with unrealistic promises of endless pleasure. The entire allure to look and dress sexy is a major off shoot this mentality. The problem with this is that pleasure seldom lasts,it is often temporary in nature and when the allure of pleasure fizzles out, those who have built their love model on it would have hit the rocks.
  2. PURSUING LOVE BY FIRST OFFERING PLEASURE. Many are suffering today for putting pleasure first. There are some lovers who would have had sex before even getting to know the person they are having sex with. In their malnourished opinion, the wanton offer of pleasure will get the other person to love them. This seldom works. Pleasure is better as a reward for life long love than as stimulant of it. Who would be willing to pay for any product that has already been offered for free? No one.
  3. USING PLEASURE AS A TOOL OF MANIPULATION IN LOVE. There is the third group who see pleasure as a vital tool of manipulation in their arsenal. This includes the wife or husband who uses sexual denial to communicate their displeasure. Those who do such are plainly wicked and what they do not understand is that they aren’t the only source of pleasure around their partner. Soon enough, the pleasure starved partner often finds alternative sources of pleasure and that often leads to the end of the manipulative relationship.
  4. MAKING PLEASURE ALL WE DO IN LOVE. No lover is as irresponsible as the one who indulges in pleasure 24/7. It is the major, if not the only constituent of their love life. Such people ignore the need for other strategic pursuits in love and leave no room for them. It is not uncommon to come across the youth whose relationship exists purely to have fun. All they do and have is fun,fun and more fun. Some of them even do so at the expense of academic,professional and spiritual pursuits. Some day in future when the spice of pleasure has lost its taste and such relationships collapse,all that will be left in them is the void of under achievement in the various sectors of life. May this not be you.
  5. INDULGING IN PLEASURE WITHOUT CONSCIENCE. Our consciences must be allowed to regulate our pursuit of pleasure. Not everything that feels good to us is actually good for us. There are those among us who aren’t selective about the sources they receive pleasure from,they get it in any way and from everywhere or anyone that is possible. Such must be reminded of the dangers and destruction that await all of us,when we violate ethical boundaries in pursuit of pleasure. Unfortunately very few have lived to tell their story.

The wisdom of this all is to handle pleasure as one would handle fire. Fire within the regulatory structure of a cooking stove or a designated fireplace can do much good,but fire that is allowed to wildly burn unrestrained can lead to the destruction of lives and property. Pleasure is fire. Don’t play with it.

Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
@lovedynamix on twitter.
BBpin; 33023120

* Please note that all enquiries about speaking engagements and professional counseling should be sent by email to the above email address. Thanks.

* Also feel free to download our newly launched Love Dynamics app on blackberry app world. Simply click on the following link and download for free.

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