Last week we established the fact that underestimating the role of sex in a man’s life can be the biggest mistake a woman can make. I want to assume that every reader knows that the safest context for sex is marriage. It might be more appropriate for me to title this article what lovemaking means to a husband. I also use the term lovemaking, not because I am of the opinion that having sex is making love, but I use the term as a bridge of understanding between myself and the popular culture of my day.It is crucial that we understand what lovemaking means to our partner because only then will we understand their sexual motivations. Continue reading
Yesterday we dealt with how to keep your man. We must however be quick to state that not every kind of man is worth keeping. In fact some kind of men are worth loosing. Should you be involved with any of the men mentioned below, loosing them is a blessing and not a curse. Let’s share a few these minuses that claim to be men. Continue reading
There is a thin line between dressing hot and getting hurt. Many people cross that line in their bid to be extremely attractive. By hot I mean the societal tendency in us to inspire an element of lust and sex appeal through our appearances, in other to grab the attention of onlookers. Those who view the essence of fashion as being sexually hot, go about accomplishing their objective by revealing portions of their sexual organs or subtly projecting their sexuality on those around them. The entire idea is to be sexy about what one wears, since we all have a minor or major weakness for naked flesh. Continue reading
Life is governed by laws. Love is governed by laws as well. Our sex life as well must be subjected to certain rules for us not to get hurt in life. The purpose of my writing today is to highlight some of the rules you must not break for your love life to work.
THOU SHALL NOT INDULGE IN IMPULSIVE SEX. It is terrible to note that a subtle idea of impulsive sex is being promoted by our culture. Most of our entertainment and media outlets promote the idea that for sex to be enjoyed, it must obey the rule of spontaneity. This may be positive for married folks but catastrophic for unmarried folks. The driving force for all the condom adverts is to encourage a subtle concept of impulsive sex. I know of wives who even go as far as packing condoms for their husbands, when he is going on an extensive trip,how sad. Some have told me that they found condoms in their partners possessions, when they were sure it wasn’t being used for them. Do I have a problem with condoms and the likes, if used legitimately? of course not! What am afraid of is the mindset that it encourages. It tells me that the person is expecting sex to show up suddenly and impulsively. We aren’t animals ruled by our basest instincts. Our actions, particularly our sexual actions, should be governed by rational and intelligent thought. Continue reading
Someone rightly said, life is best lived looking forward, but it is best understood looking backwards. Nothing just happens, there is a process to every fall. Those who view their mistakes as sudden inexplicable events are bound to wallow in their errors. However,those who probe their past mistakes for the causes of such errors are poised to access wisdom to enable them overcome future challenges. The following are a few insights I gleaned from looking back at the errors of my past. Continue reading
No doubt, every virgin is missing out on some things. Where we differ is on the specifics of what they are missing out on. Our contemporary society is quick to taunt virgins for missing out on the fun of sex. Interesting as this may sound,I have come to discover that there are other things virgins miss out on,that our depraved world fails to acknowledge. Today we want to unravel those other things, being missed by virgins, and why fun alone cannot be the primary motive of sexual engagement. Continue reading
Virgins might be scarce in our society but I fully believe they exist. Nothing sickens me like sexually promiscuous individuals who still insist on marrying virgins. I once read of a male actor who obviously wasn’t a virgin, insisting that the reason why he wasn’t married was that he was looking for a virgin to marry. I wanted to tell him to his face that, at the rate of his sexual promiscuity, no virgins will be left by the time he was ready to marry. It is practically unfair to desire what you are not in a partner. Continue reading
Almost nothing is as controversial in our society as the subject of virginity. There are those who believe that virgins are an endangered species in our generation. Many believe that virgins no longer exist in our sexually crazed world. I beg to differ. There are also those who believe that being a virgin is antisocial, that those who maintain sexual celibacy are mentally retarded and are missing out on the ultimate elixir of sexual sophistication. I also beg to differ. Continue reading
Sex is pervasive in our generation. A great deal of the relationships in our day are based solely on sexual exploitation. This hasn’t helped both the quality and longevity of our love lives much. Unfortunately most of us have adopted “A THOU SHALL NOT” approach to the malaise of sexual promiscuity, but it isn’t working. Just telling a person to stop doing something they enjoy doing isn’t a good strategy for behavioral modification. We must also give them compelling reasons why not to do it, as well as letting them know how to do it legitimately. Continue reading
Sexual promiscuity is a global issue. The sexual revolution of the 1960s completely changed the moral landscape of humanity forever. The seed for the sexual chaos of today was aggressively and intentionally sown in those years. The outcome is the global explosion of pornography, divorce, rape and sexually related crimes. The religious institutions of our day has simply responded to this sexual onslaught by quoting what their respective sacred books said is unethical. Unfortunately this has not worked, since even the adherents of the various faiths are also caught up in these sexual vices.
The secular society on the other hand, is attempting to cure the ills of sexual promiscuity by promoting the widespread use of contraceptives like condoms and the pill. Those who see condoms as the panacea for all sexual ills are grossly underestimating the role of impulse and spontaneity in humans at the point of sexual intercourse. If religious, governmental and business institutions are confused as to how to deal with promiscuity, the onus rests solely with the individual to seek personal clarity on the merits and limits of the use of contraceptives vis a vis the development of responsible,sexually ethical behaviors. The following are five things that condoms will not protect you from.
CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM HEARTBREAK. Have you ever heard of condoms for the heart? I doubt it. I often laugh when people are quick to pull out a condom before engaging in illegitimate sex,calling it protection. Health savvy as such actions may seem,they reveal a fundamental misplacement of priorities. They seem to me,to value the protection of their genitalia over the protection of their heart and minds, and that is unfortunate. One ancient writer speaks of guarding our hearts with all diligence,for out of it flows the issues of life. We must value the protection of our hearts and mind over our genitals.
- CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM EXPIRATION. Countless times I have had single ladies particularly confess the drastic change in attitude to them of most men after sex outside wedlock. Well I always have a hard time explaining to them,that their awe has expired in his eyes. Seldom do men regard with awe women that they have sexually conquered. One way to maintain that awe in courtship is by saving sex for marriage. So if you don’t want to expire fast,zip up.
- CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM BEING REPLACED. Nothing is as painful as seeing someone you were once sexually intimate with,in the sexual embrace of somebody else. The blatant truth is that anyone who is irresponsible enough to be sexually promiscuous with you,has automatically proven to you that they are likely to be irresponsible enough to be promiscuous with someone else. The only way to avoid such traumas is to choose not to be promiscuous at all.
- CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM THE GUILT. Promiscuity always leaves the bitter after taste of guilt on us all. It could be the guilt of an abortion or even the guilt of cheating on another, just to mention but a few. No one needs to be taught what is right or wrong. We all were born with an inbuilt ethical regulatory system called the conscience. The violation of our personal consciences is what produces guilt. That guilt is the mother of low self esteem in all humans.
CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM JUDGEMENT. There is an undeniable judgment for living a sexually promiscuous life,except one changes their ways. This judgment could come in form of a shattered marriage,an unwanted pregnancy,a fatally complicated abortion, a sexually transmitted disease, just to mention but a few. None of us is smart enough to escape the consequences of our wrong actions except we genuinely turn a new leaf.
This is not to mention the various spiritual and financial complications that trail promiscuity. The bottom line is that we should be more concerned with protecting our entire life, than with the protection of our genitals. The surest way to protect your life is by living a sexually responsible life and by confining your sexual rendezvous to the institution of marriage. Anything else is bound to cause you pain sooner or later.
THE GREATEST IS LOVE
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Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
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