THE BEST OF LOVE DYNAMICS (9): 5 THINGS THAT LOVEMAKING MEANS TO A MAN.

Last week we established the fact that underestimating the role of sex in a man’s life can be the biggest mistake a woman can make. I want to assume that every reader knows that the safest context for sex is marriage. It might be more appropriate for me to title this article what lovemaking means to a husband. I also use the term lovemaking, not because I am of the opinion that having sex is making love, but I use the term as a bridge of understanding between myself and the popular culture of my day.It is crucial that we understand what lovemaking means to our partner because only then will we understand their sexual motivations.

THE WRONGEST WAY TO SEEK FOR LOVE

I have uncovered a fundamental flaw in the way many pursue love and it is that they pursue it through the avenue of pleasure. In fact in many minds love is synonymous to pleasure. It is true that one of the job descriptions of your lover is to please you ethically and responsibly, but those who take the idea too far usually end up in the alley and valley of pain and sorrow. There are five ways that people do this and let’s quickly address them today.

WHY SOME MEN CHEAT ON THEIR PARTNERS

The first question everyone who has been cheated upon by their partner asks is WHY. Why would you do this to me? The second question is HOW. How could you do this to me? I will try not to delve into the how just yet. However over the next two days I want to explore some major reasons why most that cheat do so. Bearing in mind that man is a rational animal, he most certainly has reasons for doing whatever he does. It is important for me to state that I am 100% against cheating, though I can understand why men cheat. Understanding the why of cheating is something every lover must be aware of, if you aren’t going to end up hurt.

THE CONDOM CONUNDRUM

Sexual promiscuity is a global issue. The sexual revolution of the 1960s completely changed the moral landscape of humanity forever. The seed for the sexual chaos of today was aggressively and intentionally sown in those years. The outcome is the global explosion of pornography, divorce, rape and sexually related crimes. The religious institutions of our day has simply responded to this sexual onslaught by quoting what their respective sacred books said is unethical. Unfortunately this has not worked, since even the adherents of the various faiths are also caught up in these sexual vices.

The secular society on the other hand, is attempting to cure the ills of sexual promiscuity by promoting the widespread use of contraceptives like condoms and the pill. Those who see condoms as the panacea for all sexual ills are grossly underestimating the role of impulse and spontaneity in humans at the point of sexual intercourse. If religious, governmental and business institutions are confused as to how to deal with promiscuity, the onus rests solely with the individual to seek personal clarity on the merits and limits of the use of contraceptives vis a vis the development of responsible,sexually ethical behaviors. The following are five things that condoms will not protect you from.

1. CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM HEARTBREAK. Have you ever heard of condoms for the heart? I doubt it. I often laugh when people are quick to pull out a condom before engaging in illegitimate sex,calling it protection. Health savvy as such actions may seem,they reveal a fundamental misplacement of priorities. They seem to me,to value the protection of their genitalia over the protection of their heart and minds, and that is unfortunate. One ancient writer speaks of guarding our hearts with all diligence,for out of it flows the issues of life. We must value the protection of our hearts and mind over our genitals.

2. CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM EXPIRATION. Countless times I have had single ladies particularly confess the drastic change in attitude to them of most men after sex outside wedlock. Well I always have a hard time explaining to them,that their awe has expired in his eyes. Seldom do men regard with awe women that they have sexually conquered. One way to maintain that awe in courtship is by saving sex for marriage. So if you don’t want to expire fast,zip up.
3. CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM BEING REPLACED. Nothing is as painful as seeing someone you were once sexually intimate with,in the sexual embrace of somebody else. The blatant truth is that anyone who is irresponsible enough to be sexually promiscuous with you,has automatically proven to you that they are likely to be irresponsible enough to be promiscuous with someone else. The only way to avoid such traumas is to choose not to be promiscuous at all.
4. CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM THE GUILT. Promiscuity always leaves the bitter after taste of guilt on us all. It could be the guilt of an abortion or even the guilt of cheating on another, just to mention but a few. No one needs to be taught what is right or wrong. We all were born with an inbuilt ethical regulatory system called the conscience. The violation of our personal consciences is what produces guilt. That guilt is the mother of low self esteem in all humans.

5. CONDOMS WON’T PROTECT YOU FROM JUDGEMENT. There is an undeniable judgment for living a sexually promiscuous life,except one changes their ways. This judgment could come in form of a shattered marriage,an unwanted pregnancy,a fatally complicated abortion, a sexually transmitted disease, just to mention but a few. None of us is smart enough to escape the consequences of our wrong actions except we genuinely turn a new leaf.

This is not to mention the various spiritual and financial complications that trail promiscuity. The bottom line is that we should be more concerned with protecting our entire life, than with the protection of our genitals. The surest way to protect your life is by living a sexually responsible life and by confining your sexual rendezvous to the institution of marriage. Anything else is bound to cause you pain sooner or later.

THE GREATEST IS LOVE
Deji Olabode.
Love Dynamics Global.
Enthronement Assembly Lagos.
lovedynamix@gmail.com
@lovedynamix on twitter.
BBpin; 33023120

* Please note that all enquiries about speaking engagements and professional counseling should be sent by email to the above email address. Thanks.

* Also feel free to download our newly launched Love Dynamics app on blackberry app world. Simply click on the following link and download for free. http://appworld.blackberry.com/webstore/content/39425945

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• “The Condom Conundrum” – New York Times Video
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5 THINGS THAT LOVEMAKING MEANS TO A WOMAN

It is true that men and women are sexual creatures. However, their motives and meanings for sex are as divergent as the day and the night. The biggest mistake a man can therefore make is to assume that she is into sex for the same reason he is into it. These contrasting objectives where sex is concerned for both sexes is what makes sexual fulfillment an elusive mystery for many.

5 THINGS THAT LOVEMAKING MEANS TO A MAN

Last week we established the fact that underestimating the role of sex in a man’s life can be the biggest mistake a woman can make. I want to assume that every reader knows that the safest context for sex is marriage. It might be more appropriate for me to title this article what lovemaking means to a husband. I also use the term lovemaking, not because I am of the opinion that having sex is making love, but I use the term as a bridge of understanding between myself and the popular culture of my day.

I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE

Marriage is fast loosing it’s popularity in several postmodern societies. In some other societies, a gruesome distortion of this glorious institution is taking place as issues like same sex marriages seem to be taking the centre stage. In this,animals seem to be showing a more advanced sense of judgment than the political elite of certain nations,by reason of the animals pursuit of opposite sex unions rather than same sex unions. Though I am of the opinion that no individual should be ostracized on the grounds of their sexual orientation, a strong sense of right and wrong needs to be fostered in our societies for sexual cum social anarchy not to take us over.

HOW HIGH IS YOUR LOVE IQ?

Loving hard will do you no good if you are not loving smart. The major cause of love disappoints in our day is the human tendency to suspend our minds,while the heart is in full gear. Over the years, I have propagated the inadequacy of loving with the heart and might, without loving with our minds and souls. The new breed of smart lovers will insist on a brand of love that abounds in knowledge and judgment before they decide to let themselves go in love.

SEXY… AND SO WHAT?

Sex!Sex!Sex. Every where I go I seem to notice that sex is fast becoming the identity of my generation. It is even becoming either the first name or the surname of many on the social networks. It is about time someone broke the silence. For over a week or so we have been dealing with solving complex love equations. One equation we are yet to address is WHEN SEX OVERTHROWS LOVE. It is my intention to deal with that today.

A LOVE TO DOUBT

We have been exploring the several models of love that are worth doing without. Yesterday we aggressively established the fact that love is not wicked and that cruelty has no place in genuine love. Today we want to deal with the subject of PASSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.